Sometimes the hardest part of self-care, for me, is simply staying in the moment and accepting things as they’re happening as-is. That generally means building a tolerance for pain as it transforms into something neutral. But what if it meant sitting with empowering things that are unique to you? What if it meant having some innate super-powers you could turn on or off and adjust the power level of at will? About two years ago, I set out to make that scheme a reality, not just for me, but for my family. I’m neuroatypical and had read enough brain science books to know it was quite possible for me to “adjust” my brain and thinking more effectively if I turned it into a tactile experience. So I designed a console that allowed me to do just that. And it worked.
I didn’t realize at the time that I was actually applying design theory to a problem in my life much like the techniques in the book Designing Your Life that I talked about last week.
Negative feelings demand to be recognized. They demand to be invited in for tea and conversation. But that’s not so fun for us. They’re bad guests and tend to monopolize the conversation. Funny thing is, once you let them have their dramatic monologue, they fall quiet. So it’s really a matter of tolerance and endurance for their hosts — us.
I always thought meditation was about escape because I had mastered the great escape from a lot of important things in my life that left me uncomfortable. For the first two years of meditating nearly every day, I felt like I was simply escaping from the current pressure of the day. It still makes me smile realizing that I was doing the exact opposite without even knowing it — I was sitting and having tea with negativity. I thought it was guilt for not being productive at that very moment. Nope. Negativity is a master at disguises. That way, it can shape-shift into so many different things that your brain gets tired and just ends up interpreting it as a general malaise, heavy with the weight of thousand worries.
Knowing that you have as many positive traits as the negative has disguises turns you into a pillar of strength that can sit tall at tea time. Yes, it’s a chore (at first), but wow, what a difference giving it a place at the table makes. You’ll find that negativity stopped ringing the doorbell multiple times a day! Click through to find out how to identify your top five strengths so you can harness them and let them hold you up when you’re in need of some extra support. –Caitlin
Illustration above: Elephant Strength by Penelope Dullaghan | Available in her Etsy Shop here
Please join us and our collaborator, Aveda, each Tuesday at 1 pm for some self-exploration + exercises to build good habits and instill positive self-care into your everyday routine. We couldn’t be more thrilled to work on this content side-by-side with a company that shares our values and has such a thoughtful approach to self-care and beauty.
Our team here at Design*Sponge did an exercise a few years ago that we all were blown away by. In an effort to understand and work together in the best ways possible, we all took the Gallup Organization’s Strengthsfinder assessment. We knew that we were great at some things, and needed to improve on others, so our thinking was we would analyze our individual strengths and work duties so we could ask for help from each other and maximize each others’ strengths as a group.
Little did we know this would not only impact our business and team relationships, but working from our strengths had a profound impact on our personal lives as well. Grace pulled a Hail Mary with her publisher and she created the book of her dreams, In the Company of Women. Grace’s top two strengths are Achievement and Command. You’re probably not surprised!
I took a more active role in the business of Design*Sponge and realized my secret wish to become a certified Actuary. (I went to Art school!) Without further adieu, I tempt you to take your own assessment by revealing my own top 5 strengths: Restorative (Problem Solver), Intellection, Strategic, Empathy and Activator. I can tell you right now, that sometimes my strengths foil each other and I need to turn one up and another down. You may need to do the same. Next week, I’ll show you how you can do that with a quick household object DIY.
For this week’s exercise, though, you’ll simply take an assessment of your strengths. We used Strengthsfinder, which is a good investment at $15 to find out your top 5 strengths. If you’re on a tight budget, there are probably some similar, free assessments out there too that will give you enough basic information for you to build on.
Once you take an assessment, come back here to the comments section and tell us your strengths and if you agree with the assessment! You’ll be entered to win a great self-care package with Aveda product, the Tulasara kit from Aveda and an Elephant Strength print from Penelope Dullaghan as seen at the top of this post.
Grace and I can’t wait to hear from you!